My Solitary Reverie

Good afternoon, Mr Toastmaster, distinguished guests, fellow toastmasters & colleagues.

Allow me to take you down my memory lane.

Flashback : My father was a Singapore Citizen, an editor with his own publishing firm and he was based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He was in his 40’s, recently widowed and had 7 teenage kids to care for in Singapore. So he did the best thing any man in his shoes would have done. Marry his secretary ! And 9 months later I came into this world.

I was born in Kuala Lumpur and held a Malaysian passport. We shuttled almost every week between Singapore and KL. I am of mixed parentage, Arab and Indian on my paternal side and Arab and Malay on my maternal. If you google my last name, you will find a Wikipedia entry on a shrine of my ancestors in Ajmer, India.

My childhood was a dream come true. My father doted on me as I was his youngest. My mother basked me in her attention as I was her only child. I had wonderful, huge parties for my birthdays. I had lots of presents too because my older sisters and brothers were then fresh out of school, held comfortable jobs and had lots of money to splurge on me, their cute little baby sister. The newest Barbie toy in the market, the biggest Lego set, the whole Care Bear collection, you name it, I had it !

1985- my father moved his firm back to Singapore.  Since then, I have lived in Singapore although I do go back to Malaysia every now and then to celebrate festivities and to meet up with my maternal side of the family.

My father passed on when I was 17 but my mother and I remained in Singapore as I was in college here then. I married my high school sweetheart and we now have 2 lovely boys aged 5 and 2. I am still a Malaysian Citizen in my passport and in my heart but I have never lived continuously in Malaysia for more than 2 weeks and never for anything other than a holiday.

As a child, I was always aware that I am an only child. Sure I had siblings from my dad’s earlier marriage but they were so old and distant they were as good as aunts and uncles.

I am always in awe of this great love between siblings. I feel a twinge of jealousy when my mother meets up with her sister and they huddle close together and whisper. I feel lonely when I see my cousin and her brother share an inside joke on their parents.

Of course, there are many more times that I feel sorry for them when they have to share their toys and their books. I secretly gloat about being an only child when my cousin or friend has to give in to a younger sibling. I smile to myself when they scream “IT’S NOT FAIR! “ (hand action!)

It was a conscious decision on my part not to make my firstborn an only child. I felt that as a single child, you get 100% attention and you think the world revolves around you You expect the whole world to stop and listen when you speak and make room for you when you want to sit. I didn’t want my son to learn the hard way that it doesn’t happen in real life.

I wanted him to learn that he had to share his things from a young age because honestly as a child I hated that word Share. Who invented that evil word anyway? Every year in the remarks column in my school report book, my teachers would comment, “Bright student but needs to learn how to share”

I sometimes cringe when I tell my sons “You have to share your toys with your brother”  because I knew I wouldn’t have.

I also thought having a sibling will ensure my boys know the meaning of unconditional friendship and trust of another person who has gone through many of the same life experiences as you.

As a child, I remember many occasions when I saw something really strange or something really funny and rushed home to share with my mom and dad. And their reaction would be “Oh, that happens all the time! You mean you have never seen it before ?” 

Dang ! What a letdown !

However, in spite of it all, I must admit that it is precisely being an only child that has gotten me where I am today in life. My parents had more money for better books, better food, better opportunities and more time to help me develop my character.

Not having anybody to depend on to correct my mistakes and to push the work to, I always work on the basis of “If I were to do something, I will do it well if not I’d rather not do it at all.”

If I may quote Churchill, “”Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.”, Hence I wouldn’t change any part of my life for anything and I am glad life turned out the way it did for me.